I didn't think I would want to share my journey outside of some snapshots, but I feel that it is important and therapeutic for me to share now.
We are so happy to welcome Brooks and be a family of three. We know that our pregnancy journey was fairly simple compared to other mothers with low to non pregnancy complications. But with every journey into motherhood life has its challenges.
My water broke a few days before my due date and we felt calm and ready. I didn't go into natural labor right away, so the midwife decided after a few hours to start me on Pitocin to encourage labor to start. Unfortunately little Brooks' heart rate started to drop whenever I had a long contraction. I did start contracting naturally but since my water had broken we were on the clock. When we tried Pitocin again the same thing happened only I wasn't as aware because at that point I had gotten my epidural.
After this scary second time, I decided it was best for Brooks to no longer try Pitocin. I couldn't stand to know I was causing his heart rate to keep dropping. So we had two options to try and let natural labor progress or a c-section. We tried to see if I could make any more progress before we approached the 24 hour deadline for my water breaking.
I prayed that I would make the best decision for my little guy. While a c-section wasn't the plan, I only wanted to bring him in to this world healthy and happy. After lack of progress, I knew in my heart that a c-section was the safest thing for him especially because his head was starting to swell from getting "stuck".
My doctor was amazing and even prayed over me (with permission) before we went in to the operating room. I know that God put him there to help me bring Brooks into the world. Jared and I were tired, but at total peace with our decision. We also had a private moment of prayer which made my heart even calmer. Jared was my rock all day long and I am forever grateful.
So please, when I tell you that I had a c-section, do not apologize to me for having one. I am so blessed to have carried this child for nine (really 10 months if you do the math haha) and bring him in to the world.
No matter what a mother's journey is to become a mother, it is hers. Whether it is adoption, IVF, vaginal delivery, c-section, fostering each is unique and such an accomplishment. Do not pity those who did what was best for them and their families just because it wasn't your perceived journey to parenthood.
The nurses and techs at our hospital were all rockstars and I will always remember their kindness and patience as we struggled to latch or sent him to the nursery to get some much needed sleep. After talking to the lactation consultant and my mom, we were able to progress in feedings and go home on day three.
Bringing him home was the best feeling, but not without its new set of challenges. Luckily my mom was there the first week and Jared's mom the second week to really help show us the ropes and keep the house running. We didn't realize how tired we actually were and I couldn't lift anything heavier then the baby for two weeks. It is the biggest blessing that they were both able to isolate during these times to be with us! I will never forget being pregnant and giving birth during a global pandemic.
Also, they aren't joking when they said those postpartum hormones hit you hard. Brooks was just laying in his basinet and I started crying because my heart was so filled with love.
On the other end of the spectrum, the nights are hard and when the pediatrician thought he wasn't gaining weight and they said those dreaded words 'failure to thrive', I felt so overwhelmed. I thought we were doing everything right, but I know some things are just part of the process.
Happy to report that he is gaining weight, but we are still trying to figure out his reflux issues. No one said it would be easy, but they were right when they said you haven't known a love like this. Every day I remind myself to find the positive if I find myself feeling overwhelmed and the best advice I could give is ask for the help. People want to support you!
*Photos by https://lookingforlane.com/
